Things I’d Rather Do

Last week I went to the M & O Conference Track Meet. My daughter finished 5th in the 100 meter dash, and her team dominated the 400 relay. My son finished 3rd in the discus, and 5th in the shot. Of course dad is very proud! On my way between venues I was stopped by Kenny, and he told me that when this is all over he believes that he and I will be “good buddies again.” Holy cow does he not get it. Also, that was a dangerous position to put the two of us in. That could have gotten out of control in a hurry. As I have had some time to marinate on this, I’ve come to a few conclusions. First, and foremost, we were never buddies, and never will be. Second, I’ve been thinking about things I’d rather do than be buddies with Kenny.

 

 

Here are some things that I’d rather do than be buddies with Kenny: get a prostate exam from a leper that walks away with nine fingers! I’d rather get a root canal by a drunken dentist without a shot! I’d rather play in traffic in Chicago. I  would rather be water boarded! I’d rather get Lasik from a guy who claims to have stayed at a Holiday Inn last night! I’d rather have shit in my hands and clap! I’d rather be trapped in an elevator with Kanye West! I’d rather go to a family reunion! I’d rather skydive without a parachute! I’d rather watch a campaign ad marathon! I’d rather be the administrator at Crivitz School! NO! Scratch that one. Actually, I’d rather tell The Truth According to Dave! Stay tuned.